Here’s something I wrote nine years ago, in 1995. I was in the midst of changing direction in my life, and while I knew instinctively that the results would be very good — and even though I’d faced and conquered big change before — it was scary to take those first steps. Big shifts and big leaps are a fairly routine part of my life now, though I still sometimes have to gently coax myself out of the small securities to embrace the new beginnings.
With the New Year fast approaching, and with many people contemplating their own resolutions for 2005, this essay seems timely.
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30 November 1995
res·o·lu·tion n. 1. firm determination. 2.a. The act of resolving. 2.b. Something resolved, esp. a decision or expression of opinion adopted by a deliberative body. 3. A solving, as of a problem.
(Webster's II New Riverside Dictionary)
As we again find ourselves closing in on another New Year, many of us are honoring the age-old tradition of composing our heartfelt New Year's Resolutions. We make promises to change the things that are not working in our lives, or we resolve to finally get around to doing that one exciting and important thing which we have put off for too long. We resolve to lose weight, to stop smoking, to spend more time with our families, to start eating better and getting more exercise, to give more of our time and resources to charity and community causes.
We brag about these resolutions at New Year's parties, spreading the word that yes, we really are going to do such-and-such. It doesn't matter that we made exactly the same promises last year, or that we probably are just as determined this year as we were in all of the years before. Before we know it, the year has again come to a close, and again, we have failed to honor the sincere commitments we made just twelve months earlier — providing, of course, that we even remember these pledges. But that's all part of the fun of New Year's. Isn't it?
Since we most likely will not actually hold ourselves to the majority of the resolutions we make, why not go ahead and make all sorts of outlandish promises? Standing around the holiday bar and buffet boasting of all of the mundane changes we actually will make during the coming year isn't nearly as entertaining. Who wants to hear about installing an extra cable television outlet in the house, or of planting a daring new herb in the summer garden? We all want to be regaled by declarations of stone cold sobriety and promises to start up that cutting-edge new business venture. We want to hear about the people who are definitely going to walk across the country this year, who are going to embark upon all sorts of exciting new adventures. We want to hear them say that nothing can stand in their way. Not this year.
What we need to keep in mind is that not only are we giving our word, for everyone else to hear, we are also making these promises to ourselves, and we are repeatedly letting ourselves down. It seems as though the more dramatic the resolution — to reduce from a size 14 to a size 6 by summer; to finally go skydiving or bunge jumping — the greater the certainty that we will actually honor such resolve. It seems that it would be so much easier to put off the small, insignificant promises than to lock away the big ones for yet another year. At least, so it seems on New Year's Day.
But the majority of those who begin running those three miles every morning on January 2nd are sleeping in again once February and March roll around. It becomes more and more difficult to remain true to our January 1st commitment as we continue on in our daily lives as the year wears on, and as we fall into the same comfortable routines again. No matter how firm our resolve on New Year's Day, there always seem to be more reasons to give up the resolution than there seem to be for keeping it. But then again, giving up is part of this custom, right?
But this year, let's try something different. Let's be daring and throw out this tradition of the New Year's Resolution.
Instead, why not commit to a New Year's Revolution?
A revolution is total upheaval. A revolution involves near complete elimination of the old in order to make way for the new, in a very big way. A revolution is no small matter. A revolution in our own lives requires that we let go of that which we no longer need, that which weighs us down and keeps us from becoming the people that we want to be. A revolution requires that we re-invent ourselves and our lives.
Surprisingly often we find that changes are most easily made when the transition is a fairly drastic one. A smoker who quits "cold turkey" will have greater success remaining free of tobacco and nicotine than one who tries to ease off the habit slowly. Recovering alcoholics report similar results when resolutely refusing to feed their addiction any longer. While such large changes are the most frightening to make, going to extremes can guarantee that we won't simply fall into the same old routines again out of habit and inertia. When we make a clean break, there will no longer be an old routine to which to return.
Leaving behind what is known is more than just a little bit stressful. Whether our habits have been good ones or bad ones, and regardless of whether or not we are even happy in our lives, there is great comfort to be found in routine. When we start contemplating a radical departure from the way we live our lives, the mounting anxiety alone has the power to deter us from making changes which may be necessary for our own happiness and viability.
Consider the account executive who fantasizes on and off about returning to school. He wanted to be a history teacher right from the start, but somewhere along the way he allowed himself to be convinced that the smart money was in actuarial tables, while teachers struggle to eke out any kind of an existence. Why should he concern himself with making a difference when he has his retirement years to worry about?
Or perhaps his plan was to plunge into the workforce full time for a few years, so that he could save up the necessary funds for graduate school, but now that he has reached a place where he finally can pursue those academic dreams, the doubt begins to tug at him. Jobs in education are disappearing. Perhaps he now has a family to support or has grown used to a certain standard of living. Doesn't he remember how poor he was as a student? Who wants to do that again? Besides, he never did get around to taking those GREs.
When we get bogged down in material anxiety like this, happiness no longer is an issue. It doesn't seem nearly as important that we are miserable where we are. At least where we are is safe. Our accounting executive has a regular paycheck, company benefits, and a certain though limited road of advancement. He has security. It is not so difficult to work ourselves into a place where security is everything.
An even more extreme example is the wife and mother who remains in an abusive marriage. She tells herself that she needs to think of the children — how will she feed and clothe them if she leaves her violent husband? She tells herself that it could be so much worse. At least she knows what to expect from her husband; out in the world alone, who knows what might happen to her?
We may not find ourselves in such dire circumstances, but chances are that if we have learned to let outside influences — the approval of others, an uncertain economy, the status quo — dictate even the smallest aspects of our lives, then these are parts of our lives which we are not living. Regardless of how the limitations are presented to us, we accept them and carry on within these constraints. Sometimes, we are just as content as we would have been otherwise. More likely, however, we must continually fight against mounting evidence that not all is right in our lives.
Once we have grown accustomed to an established set of circumstances, the threat of change looming overhead can be too much for us to take. And so rather than stepping up to accept the challenge, we turn away, perhaps even convincing ourselves that living in our present circumstances isn't so bad after all. We sink back down into an empty complacency and try not to notice that we are indeed stagnating.
We all have our bag of regrets that we carry along with us throughout our lives. It could be heavy with the weight of a long-anticipated family vacation for which we never quite found the time. Maybe it was that we failed to bite the bullet to make that risky career change, choosing instead the security and steady unfulfillment of the same job we've held for years. Or perhaps it was a lifelong dream left unrealized, because the timing or the money never seemed to be quite right.
But one thing is for certain: life does not simply wait around for us to make up our minds. Time marches on, and before we know it, we have run out of time.
How many opportunities do we expect to come along to make these changes? How many New Year's Resolutions do we intend to break from year to year? Are we satisfied with our quiescence, or are we haunted by open doors which we passed by? Do we want to be remembered for playing it safe or for taking the plunge? Do we honestly want to reach the end of our lives and find that we have nothing but regret for the chances that we didn't take?
The New Year offers us the symbolic birth of new beginnings and new opportunities. Yet year after year, we let it pass as nothing more than a holiday during which to make more empty resolutions and false promises. Change is not easy. Change is very often the scariest thing in the world. But change is also the only true constant in this universe. If we don't choose change for ourselves, chances are life will choose change for us.
But we can take this power into our own hands. We make the choice for a Revolution in our lives, whether our tactics be large or small. Life is too short to waste another minute in any situation or circumstance which is not fulfilling or which is simply not working. A resolution is a party favor. A revolution is a life-affirming commitment which returns to us the excitement and the authority over our own lives.
No one looks forward to or relishes the kind of stress which transition can bring, even when the changes which are being made are good and healthy ones. But making that leap means that we don't look back. It means that our lives will never be the same. It means that we are finally accepting the great adventures which life has to offer us.
True, we might fail. We might fall flat on our faces and make total, irrevocable fools out of ourselves. We might choose the "wrong" chance to take at the "wrong time," or we might make a false start in the "wrong" direction.
But at least we will have tried. At least we won't be caught wondering "what if" for the rest of our lives. Just as change is the only constant, there is also no limit to the number of times we can start our lives over again. We are the ones who place such insurmountable restrictions on ourselves, and we are the ones who can choose freedom instead.
So this New Year’s, why not leave the resolutions behind in favor of instigating a little revolution? Why not go ahead and introduce a little upheaval into our lives? At the very worst, we will have simply put our desires and our dreams to the test. At the very best…. well, that's completely up to us, isn't it?
And if we ever feel our old pals anxiety and inertia showing their faces again, we can always affirm to ourselves, "Relax. It's only change.”